ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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