That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
