I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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