I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
