Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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