I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
