Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
