My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
