ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
