Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
