I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
