I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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