just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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