So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
