Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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