Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
