It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
