This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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