The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
