you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
