Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
