okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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