Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
