Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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