There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
