yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
