Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got inside last night via doggy door
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
