your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You smell like stripper and shame
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
