My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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