I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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