I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
