You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize