What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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