Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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