What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
