Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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