saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
