I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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