some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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