we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Terrible idea I love it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
