Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
