Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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