Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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