So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
