I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
