Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
