At least make sure they are 18
Why
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
