he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize