rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize