Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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