Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
