I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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