I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
kristin has been a bad kristin
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
