So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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