R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
