is your mom at the bar?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
