So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
3pm strippers are depressing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
