i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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