My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
