sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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