I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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