Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
