yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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