Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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