i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
