I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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