Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
