Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
