never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
