I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
