i already hear my dad disowning me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
