Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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