then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
