All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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