So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
