I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
