Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
