Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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