someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
