I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
