I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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