Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
